I believe life IS beautiful..

IM so unhappy...nothing is happening the way i would like it to be...nothing is happening right....how long must i be in this deep deep dry valley? I know i can CHOOSE to be happy, im trying but i really cant........
IM so extremely heavy burdened...i was told i have to be patient....how easy is that? It's NOT. How did i end up like this..i really dont know...well, then again it's all bad decisions....and my personality.I didnt know how to let go and i still do not know how to.........
when will i wake up and face the reality? I hope soon.

In the Festival of Praise, Pastor Mike says to shape my worries into a prayer...and STOP worrying...im trying...im really trying...aft all im just human...

"Dear GOd,i hope you will give me wisdom and guidance to change my life because i HATE & DETEST my life now.......and i feel so trapped...when will i live in the life of abundance with you which you have promised? When will i feel joy,peace,love and everything good?You said you will give rest to the weary and heavy hearted...And i will CLAIM that promise. Because im so tired.......very very tired..............I was told You will collect the tears that i have shed and You will cry along with me...do You then know how many pails, if not gallons of my tears have You collected? Do you really know?......"

I really dont know what to write.

BUt i thought it's been a long time i blogged.

Im having a tough time now. It's even tougher than i thought.

I pray that God gives me wisdom and guidance to make the right decision.
I pray he leads me on the right path and bring people to speak to me through them.

"God....you know everything that has happened...you know everything.....where to now? I thought you said in the bible: " Let man not separate what He has put together?" But it comes so easily to him who once trusted you and depended on you so much. Im devastated..... Give me a preaceful heart that surasses all understanding and help me to overcome bcos thru You we are able to do ALL things thru CHRIST who strengthens me. In Jesus's name i pray....Amen.

What is love?
Do you really love me? I dont know... some things just dont tally...
I came to realise that the things on Facebook are so fake. Ppl arent truthful about alot of things. Perhaps that's what they say about the virtual world being so 'virtual'...

Does love hurt? It really hurts....It hurts so much that the heart doesnt dare to love nor trust anymore.. Would you dare??? Do time really heal the wounds??? Or is it just a cliche thingy to console ppl?

What is love? Does it mean stupidity or insanity?
What happens during anger outbursts? The person i love most becomes the person i hate most.
What is love? Is it treating each other as enemies when something goes wrong? Or is it trying to stand fr the other party's point of view to see from their point of view?
What is LOVE? Im totally lost.
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It's been the longest time that i blogged... It's been the most happening days of my life during
these period of time. I really dont know how to describe but i can only say it's full of happiness mixed with anger outbursts and frustrations............God knows what has been happening and i hope i can survive and overcome.

Today i was on MSN with one of my ex-colleagues..we were chatting chatting and suddenly she told me our another colleague's ex-husband comitted suicide and passed away early this year...........for a moment my hair stood and later on i was scared. Someone you knew has passed away....im thinking what gave him the courage to kill himself...it must have been something very depressing....have anyone of you ever thought of committing suicide when things didnt turn out well?

To be honest i did.

And i really did think and i did commit suicide before. It was many years back...What gave me the courage then to swallow panadols? I only remembered i was very very sad and i didnt want to live anymore. I was so so depressed it didnt take me long to empty the panadols in my kitchen's cupboard and put it in my mouth. As i was putting in one by one...it became fun to be swallowing them...for ur info, i love to swallow medicine...it wasnt hard for me to swallow pills at all. And wad happened next? I was so groggy and i was feeling so hot...and before i knew it, i dozed off. I woke up as usual the next morning but i was feeling very nauseous...but i just cant vomit. I carried on the day feeling sick but that's all i felt.Nothing serious. The next day i went to work...i was still feeling sick but this day, my back was aching BADLY. Badly as in B-A-D-L-Y. It was so bad i had to call my friend and he brought me to be hospital. I already lost contact with this friend, Jimmy, but i just want to thank him for making the effort to bring me to the hospital. In the consultation room,the dcotor scolded me for taking an overdosage of panadols...then she scared me by saying that she had a patient who had to change his/her liver (transplant) bcos the panadols damaged his/her livers. And then i was admitted... I duno why im sharing this but i hope by sharing i can bring some light into u ppl...the drama series are all fake. You dont die just eating an overdosage of panadols...i met this lady who was also admitted in the same ward as me...she took 100 over panadols and she still didnt die. LOL She was lamenting on how irritated she was when she found herself alive. (Can you believe it?) Her husband had extra-marital affairs and the usual story goes on...

Is it worth it??? I wont comment but there must be a reason u an i still exist? There are many times we wonder why are we caught in a certain situation and for a moment we wish we would die so that we didnt have to go through that. BUt, did that really happen for the sake of happening? Or is it so that we will learn fr it and move on? How would life be different if we were dead or didnt die?

Sigh...As for me....i realised i have alot of things that i have not fulfilled...I have heard of this before: The place on earth with alot of talents and potentials are in the graveyards(think of this sentence for a moment)....I thank God i wasnt one of them....and i pray that i will make use of my talents and bring forth fruit to benefit others. I also want to drill this into my head and hope it encourages you as well....what doesnt kill you makes you stronger! Keep on Keeping on!

Let's all work hard during this tough times!


You are the reason why....

I'm so down today...

People can really be so malicious with their words...that they dont even bother about others' feelings...

And people can accuse you of doing something that you didnt without feeling any guilt themselves...

People can insist that the church is just a place to socialise,make friends, have dinner and go home...and it's not worth going..



But in my heart, i know it's not. But in my heart...God knows....




*smile* Because tomorrow's going to be a better day!!!

I need to get stronger for any other adversities!

God, i can TRUST you for greater days ahead!!!!